#BlackLivesMatter
I have long had more than enough of the racism of my fellow
white Americans. I don't accept it. I don't approve of it and I work on myself a
lot to deconstruct what America
tells me about race. I've been doing it
since I was 5 or 6 hearing one of Malcolm X's speeches on the Sunday news. I've been doing it since getting slapped by a
family friend for saying Leslie Uggams and Diahann Carol were beautiful (along
with a number of other black male & female entertainers) and defiantly refusing
to accept the "education" of why they were not to be considered
beautiful or handsome. I know my schools and
teachers were ill prepared to teach about the accomplishments of black
innovators, entrepreneurs, inventors, scientists and doctors. Somehow they all got relegated to
"helper" status or, more offensively, dismissed with the "give a
couple million monkeys a typewriter and eventually you'll get a novel"
wave of the hand. But my fairly liberal
school still managed to convey the messages and lessons of white supremacy
because of the unwillingness to admit the achievements of so many black souls. Over 55 years later, I'm still an imperfect
ally because some of the covert messages still made their way in and found a
place to take root.
But. But. But.
For a while, during the 70s, 80s, 90s, and even early 00s, I
had hoped we were doing better along the way.
I guess superficially, that's the way it seemed. And along that way, I've denied and defended
my own white privilege - growing up semi orphaned, poor with a working widowed
mother, struggling with family dysfunction there is a lot of what we call "intersectionality"
now. Being Irish-American on my mom's
side - oh, no! The Irish were indentured servants and that was horrible, wasn't
it? Being Hungarian-American and first
generation American on my dad's side (and whose side of the family despised my
mother for her Irish roots) who came over on the boat in 1900 though Ellis Island - oh,
no! They didn't have anything to do with
slavery or owning slaves. They were
involved in the immigrant struggles and labor struggles of their era. And both are true. And not.
I was young and ignorant. I had
no idea of the concept of white privilege and how it smoothed the way and got
you the benefit of the doubt. Oh! and
then there are class issues -- socioeconomic issues, too! But
I've seen it in so many ways throughout the decades and I've worked hard to not
perpetuate it or support it or encourage it because I'm an imperfect ally and I
really do believe in social justice and yes I understand that there are
assholes in all races.
And in that time I've seen black Americans of all classes
demeaned and demonized. In the last 10
years, I have come to see the official system as being at war with them
entirely and that it is a continuation of sentiments from the southern states
who still have too many who believe that slavery was right and just and their
way of life was good. Whether it's
arresting and jailing a 10 year old for violating the school dress code because
their sweater is the wrong color of blue or taking down an autistic seven year
old and jailing them or shooting into a car of black teens because their music
is too loud, the system is at war with them.
The deaths of dozens of black men and women at the hands of the police
and so-called "scared" citizens is ample proof that there is a war on
people of color. We cut ourselves a lot
of slack for our shortcomings of character, the myriad petty offenses that
happen in daily life. Black American's
have no slack. They never get the
benefit of the doubt. The spew of hate
has been like a volcanic lava flow hardening around us over the land. It's intolerable. I hate the hate.
I'd hoped for better out of us, not for a retreat to the
madnesses of the pre-Civil Rights, Jim Crow era.
I'm ashamed we haven't done better.
I'm ashamed of the cops and others who murder black
Americans young and old. I'm ashamed of
the store clerks who racially profile well-to-do black women while ignoring the
white teenage shoplifters. I'm ashamed
of the teachers who call the cops on black kindergarteners and elementary
school kids who have emotional meltdowns for whatever reason, because where
it's a matter of course when the kid is black, it's as rare as hen's teeth when
the kid is white. I'm ashamed of white
acquaintances who are unwilling to see what's under their noses and who try to
minimize the impact of these black deaths falling back on the line that all
lives matters, who cite "black on black crime" while taking hits off
their pot pipes, or use the police killings of mentally ill homeless whites to
try and say the problem isn't that big. I'm
ashamed of white people at pools who call the cops on black kids who're just
out trying to have fun - the kind of fun their own kids get to enjoy every
day. Yes, the problem IS that big. I'm ashamed that our elementary, middle and
high schools can't be bothered to face much less teach the history of black
America (and Hispanic and Asian Americans) because they're afraid it'll make
white European descended Americans look bad.
Well, we did a lot of bad and fucked up things in settling this country
and it's long past time we got honest about it.
I don't know what the answer is, but I am committed to keep
deconstructing my own biases, to be an honest witness and to be the best ally I
can be. That's my duty. Because I know that so many of
the things that have benefited my life - my quality of life - have come about
because of the foundational work done by black Americans all along the
way. Their lives matter, their work
matters, their inventions matter, their arts matter and without them, we'd be
much worse off.
I've had enough of racist whites and their selfishness; they do not speak for me.
